10 Signs You Might Be From Arkansas Posted by: Rod Ford | 0 Comments
Ross Perot once said that he didn’t make Arkansas the butt of every joke, God did. Of course, no one really thought Ross Perot was very funny. And since he proceeded to have his backside handed to him by an Arkansan after that, well, no one really took him seriously either.
There are quite a few things that Arkansans take quite seriously, though. There are also few jokes that you’ll only ever get if you’re from here. In no particular order, ten signs you’re from The Natural State:
1) You begin more than half of your directions with, “You know where TG&Y used to be … ” or “You know where the old Walmart is … ”
2) You still pull over for funeral processions or wave at perfect strangers on the highway. That’s just proper home training.
3) You’ve ever tried (and failed) to prepare for Sunday by stocking up on enough beer.
4) You are physically incapable of merging onto an Interstate or parallel parking.
5) You have ever been stuck on the Pig Trail behind a chicken feed truck.
6) You call all soft drinks “cokes.” Because there’s no reason to drink any other brand of anything. Ever.
7) You have ever uttered the phrase, “Thank God for Mississippi.”
8) You keep a tornado emergency kit stored under the stairs or in the bathroom for when you have to wait out the spring storms. It includes Tornado Bingo, when you get to listen to local meteorologists say town names like Possum Grape, Fifty-Six, Evening Shade (then clarify which one), Weiner or Blue Ball.
9) You understand that everyone actually is related. Everyone in this state has a Bill Clinton story, claims a relative that passed on a chance by Sam Walton to be an initial investor in Walmart, was neighbors with John Daly once, has an uncle who saw Johhny Cash or Elvis at high school gym or dive bar in the Delta, or goes to a bank teller who was Jerry Jones Sunday School teacher. The bulk of these stories are really true.
10) It doesn’t seem strange or unreasonable in any way to Stand up! and Call Those Hogs! in a restaurant, the airport, church, or where ever two or more Hog fans are gathered in Daddy Frank’s name.
One reason Arkansans took such offense to Mr. Perot, is above all, we take the matter of the Lord quite seriously. The first question you’ll be asked when you’re introduced here is your name. The second question is what church you go to.
Don’t worry, though. If you answer incorrectly, we’ll put you on a prayer list. It’s just good manners.
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