Southern Stories
Are You a True Southern Citizen? Take the Test.
Aug 31/16

Are You a True Southern Citizen? Take the Test. Posted by: Aaron Stearns | 0 Comments

We’ve had a lot of border states claiming the South lately, and we’ll admit, Southern-ness is largely a state of mind. So how can you know for sure if you’re a Southerner? Take our completely fabricated Southern citizenship test, and see if you make the cut.

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You’re a bona fide Southerner if you answer yes all of the following statements. If you answer “yes” to all but two or three, don’t worry, we’ll still let you on the porch.

1. Buying alcohol on Sunday is a royal pain in the ass.

2. I once parked a car in the backyard for a week, and it was nearly overtaken by kudzu.

3. When it comes to real estate, a pecan tree in the yard is a valuable selling point.

4. If everyone is driving very slowly, it must be Sunday.

5. My state has a team in the SEC.

6. Gambling. We all do it, we just don’t talk about it.

7. If you’re over the age of 7, sugar does not belong on grits.

8. At least once in my life, I have been the deserving victim of a “whipping” with a “switch” of my own choosing.

9. That fizzy sweet drink is pronounced “coke.” And so is that one.

10. At least one member of my household regularly hunts.

11. I have ridden in the back of a pickup truck … as a young child.

12. There’s unsweet tea, and then there’s regular tea.

13. I do not live in Oklahoma.

14. I have seen numerous episodes of “Hee Haw.”

15. At least one thing in my home is monogrammed.

16. Banana pudding is a requirement at any potluck dinner.

17. St. Louis-style barbecue does not count.

18. The car in front of me has its blinker on. It probably won’t turn any time soon.

19. There’s a very important difference between cornbread and hush puppies.

20. I have seen Graceland, and it was good.


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