Southern Halloween Costumes in Your Closet Posted by: Dan | 0 Comments
Southerners take things notoriously slow — talking (add syllables as desired), pie eating (savor it), driving on two-lane highways (slow down to irk passing Yankees), Halloween costume planning (you got cowboy boots and western shirts galore). I’m not implying that procrastination is a Southern trait, but this slow-moving Southerner can already feel a last-minute costume coming on.
In the spirit of helping you procrastinate and still end up looking like you own the place, we’ve compiled a short list of Halloween costume ideas you can pull off mostly by using essential Southern attire you probably already have in your closet.
Basics: blonde wig, sequin ‘80s cocktail dress, red lipstick, eyebrow pencil, two balloons (inflated to capacity)
Basics: red bandana, cowboy hat, black t-shirt, hairbands (for braiding your long, luxurious hair, gentlemen) or a long, dirty blonde wig
Basics: silver wig (give it some Farrah Fawcett swoop), button-up blouse from your mom’s closet, black eyeliner, optional jar of mayonnaise or stick of butter (to carry around for emphasis and snacks), your biggest smile ever.
Basics: Black pants, black shirt, black coat, black boots, black hair dye, pomade, a guitar, your best bad boy pout.
Basic: cigar, voluminous mustache, white pants, white shirt, white vest, white jacket, white wig, hair spray … pretty much the opposite of the Johnny Cash costume
Basics: blonde wig, fashionable striped trench coat, blue floral dress underneath coat, pink tennis shoes
She’s got a lot of looks, so this one’s tricky. Go with her fabulous, raved-about look from the September 2013 cover of O Magazine. Basics: orange cocktail dress, sparkly headband, chandelier earrings, the biggest ‘fro wig you can find (if you don’t already rock this ‘do).
The KFC Colonel
See Mark Twain costume.
Basics: flat iron, leopard-print suitcase, leopard-print gloves, leopard-print boots, leopard-print pants, leopard-print bra, leopard-print coat … basically just sacrifice those leopard-print curtains you have hanging in your bedroom and swaddle yourself in them.
The Sweet Potato Queen
Basics: fishnet pantyhose, green sequin dress you’ve safety-pinned some pink fringe to, red ankle boots, sunglasses, pink ankle boots, red wig, all your sass
Red plaid shirt tied in the front, cut-off shorts … that’s pretty much it.
Willa Dean finds a way to incorporate cut-off shorts into her Halloween costume every year because that’s all she has in her closet. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org.