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Southern Stories
How to Survive a House Divided
Aug 19/16

How to Survive a House Divided Posted by: Lindsey Castrodale | 0 Comments

Football season is finally here, but your roommate, spouse, or significant other has the unfortunate flaw of being a diehard fan of your biggest rival. Major tensions can be avoided until the inevitable crisis: the long-awaited game day when they, and you, face off. Here are some tips on how to survive. 

  • Don’t cover the inside and outside of your house with your team’s banners, flags, party platters, yard signs, or blow-up mascots the night before when they are sleeping. You should play nice and allow them equal space to decorate, no matter how bad that color hurts your eyes.
  • Don’t secretly teach your kids (or the neighborhood kids) your fight song, taunting chants, or inappropriate slurs that they keep secret until the kickoff. Although it may be funny at first, in retrospect you will wish you hadn’t. Trust us on this.
  • Don’t bet money on the game, no matter what amount. If you just can’t resist betting, make it for taking out the trash, or mowing the lawn. Sore losers get much more sore when there’s money involved.
  • Don’t do a two-hour victory dance when your team wins. A celebratory jig is fine, but ten minutes is sufficient. There’s a reason why those guys get fined in the end zone.

No matter who wins, remember that you will be living with this person day in and day out. And there’s always next year.

By Paula Martin
Paula Martin was born and raised in Arkansas and received her MFA in Creative Writing at the University of New Orleans. She is a writer, teacher, mom, barefoot trail runner, martial artist, and free-thinker always packed and ready for the next adventure. 



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